i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
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