Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
