I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
