I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
