People in love make me want to vomit
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
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