Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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