i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
