Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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