I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
