You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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