Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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