On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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