I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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