i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
