i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
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