home. puking in laundry basket.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
