is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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