SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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