I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
operation have a gay friend backfired
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
