I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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