was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
