I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Randomize
