so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
no you cant smoke seaweed
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
