her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
