i always forget guys have bellybuttons
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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