ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
