i already hear my dad disowning me
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
