Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Randomize
