FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
