Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Randomize
