hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
