I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
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