This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
