Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Randomize
