Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
