If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
