i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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