I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Randomize
