i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
