Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
