we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
