great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
