Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Randomize
