Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
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