our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Floor bacon is actually really good
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
