I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
