I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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