Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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