i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I understand Curling. That high.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
