remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Randomize
