woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Randomize
